So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
