How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
