Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
