somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
