I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I supernannyed him into submission
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
