Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
