SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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