is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
