I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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