go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
