I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
