wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
