Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
