jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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