I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
