My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
