Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
