True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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