I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
