that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it glows. i had to have it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
