God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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