nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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