I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
