Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
