i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's blow job season.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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