look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
