he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
