meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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