Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
