Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
