WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
