I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
