bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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