apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
