you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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