No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
