i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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