She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
