Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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