Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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