dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
