Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
