yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
