apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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