My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
