My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
