Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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