You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
