Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
