You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
