I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
