I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
